To me, to be an artist is to do something you love doing. Whether that be spreading a message, stirring emotions or just a hobby. Anyone can be an artist, and most people are, without even realising it.

Recently I watched a compelling documentary with stunning imagery and photography. The documentary is called Lives of the Artists and was created by Relentless (yes the energy drink). The documentary hit a nerve with me and made me realise what is important in life. And that is happiness. Do what you enjoy doing and you will be happy. Being stuck in a monotonous job working 9 till 5 is not my idea of happiness unless you are doing something you enjoy doing. The problem with today’s society is that people have to do something they do not enjoy in order to make money to support their family. Are people who do what they enjoy and not worry about money selfish? Only a few get the chance to actually enjoy their career AND support their family.

The people in this documentary are those few. Featuring  a couple of surfers named Tom Lowe and Fergal Smith, a snowboarder named Xavier De Le Rue, and the UK Hardcore punk band Gallows. The documentary really opens your eyes to the world and to beauty, and makes you feel bad for not experiencing some of the worlds wonder.

Xavier De Le Rue: He throws himself off mountains

The surfers and the snowboarder are very similar as artists, because they are both doing what they love and that is it. Whereas the band Gallows are too doing what they love, except they also have a message.

And most people who listen to Gallows do not understand what they are about. I believe that Gallows message is that it doesnt matter how good you are at singing or playing an instrument, as long as you have ambition and aspirations you will make it in the field that you love. And Gallows are there to prove it. I don’t particularly like their music, it doesnt sound nice. Nice music is music like REM and Coldplay, which I do like, but it hasn’t got the same energy as Gallows. Gallows is aggressive, energetic and full of passion, as well as stirring emotions with the public, that is all that matters. I like to equate Gallows to the early punk band The Sex Pistols, because they were very similar with their message.

Here are some cool shots from the documentary, and the link for the documentary at the bottom of this post.

On a last note, I do think Gallows are reaching their end. As the frontman Frank Carter says in the documentary, he has said and done everything he set out to do, and doesnt get anything out of his music anymore. And when Frank leaves Gallows which I feel is inevitable, Gallows will die.

And here is that link, which I urge you to watch.

Lives of the Artists

Before I praise 2012 (the movie) on its amazing graphics, I will first add that there is also two other films released around the same time called 2012: Doomsday and its sequel 2012: Supernova. Which are both amazingly bad, and not the kind of bad that you can say, ‘It’s so bad its good!’. If you are going to watch one of them, say for example if you have a momentary lapse of insanity of the brain tank, watch Supernova, simply because it scored a couple of 0 point somethings higher than Doomsday. I have not seen any of Supernova, and only a couple of minutes of Doomsday, which was just enough for me to close the media player, and delete the film whilst spitting on my monitor ( I considered formatting my hard drive to remove all remnants and history of this piece of corpse stench)

Stay clear of

My theory is that the film makers knew this film was a FailFilm and just named it similar to the new (and better) 2012 film so that the Grandma’s that still visit Blockbuster will accidently buy it.

Anyway, let the review commence!

I did enjoy 2012, but I think because I am very much interested in computer animation and CGI, I found the film more interesting than most people. Or maybe it was just because I saw the majority of America sink/explode/burst into flames and other such catastrophic events (namely Woody Harrelson playing an unimportant character)

The film is very formulaic and Hollywoodised unfortunately, and dramatic, but I suppose the end of the world would be quite dramatic. Like when people say that there is only seven original stories. Every film ever made follows one of these stories, or several of these stories/plots intertwined.

A summary of this film is very easy:

Divorced Dad wins back his wife and kids by saving them from several catastrophes, escaping to China where they have made several large ‘arcs’ to withstand the catastrophes and secure the future of the human race.

Oh yes and along the way the father in law of the children conveniently dies, and the mother gets over his death surprisingly fast and becomes happy family again with Kevin Spacey, strange.

I do think so

Overall I enjoyed 2012. I can’t really explain why because 2012 is a mediocre film apart from the amazing CGI. Perhaps we are all hypnotized by shiny computer generated disasters, and scaring our Grandparents.

I have been a busy little student watching a couple of the new films that are out in the cinema. The kind of films everyone raves about before they are even released, and once they are released they just say, ‘oh..’.

Notably

Paranormal Activity

Which is the most unscary piece of zombie brain food I have ever seen.

Things that are scarier than Paranormal Activity:

• Bill Baily
• Dogs with three legs
• People that eat in a slow, menacing way
• Flowers

Although this film was marketing extremely well, which means they were able to disguise how much of a bad film this is by not telling us that this film is filmed on one location, in the same way, for an hour and a bit. Which tends to get extremely boring. Much like the Blair Witch Project, although I cannot say much about that because I havent seen it.

The film starts with a happy couple deciding to venture into the paranormal world by filming, and recording sound, or ‘EVP‘ as ghost hunters call it.

Translated: ‘Who you gonna call?’

Obviously this ghost, or demon as they later find out, gets rather annoyed with all this exposure to the media world. Perhaps this is a shy demon, or perhaps he is just Russel Crowe and likes to inflict pain unto anyone with a camera.

So many footsteps, bangs, possessions, and one rude awakening, where the girl is pulled out of bed, dragged down the hall, and bitten. Which is the best way I suggest to get a younger brother out of bed.

I was slightly enjoying the film until about halfway through, when the guy (who is very annoying) puts powder on the floor to try and capture footprints. The footprints in the morning are of a demonic nature, three toes, like a bird kind of. When this happened I lost faith in the film and just thought to myself…’This is a bit silly’.

The ending, which I thought was an anti climax, was quick, abrupt, and not very clear. Because the film is made to look sort of like a home movie, the camera is left in the bedroom, and as the possessed girlfriend walks out of the room, all you hear is a scream, presumably the dude as he gets jooked by a large sharp knife. Which I dont blame the girl for doing, she probably just blamed it on possession.

Possession my arse.

She hated his guts so much she thought they would look better with several puncture wounds.

After watching Paranormal Activity I was left feeling disappointed and had a full and happy nights sleep dreaming about rabbits.

This post contains spoilers

AKA ‘Another day Keanu Reeves fools the entire population of the planet that he is actually any good.’ I used to like Keanu Reeves until I realised I was being hypnotized by all the pretty shiny colours made by the special effects team. Keanu Reeves has just about the same acting talent as a ton of solid Oak, he always plays the ‘not saying very much but means alot’ character, apart from his awesome performance in Bill and Teds Excellent Adventure.

Pictured right: Before Morpheus gave him a haircut

I liked him in The Matrix, the first one that is, two and three were piles of giraffe dung. But when I realised how bad he actually is I stopped liking him all together.

ANYWAY onto The Day the Earth Stood Still, apart from Keanu Reeves, I quite liked it, I am a fan of Sci Fi, and I guess this film has some Sci Fi in it, in the form of weird ass aliens who look like Keanu Reeves. So this massive space ship? comes out of nowhere, us noobs here on Earth think its a comet of some sort, until it starts to slow down, land in the middle of Manhattan, and spitting out Keanu Reeves.

ON a side note, ever since 9/11 there has been piles and piles of movies involving some sort of disaster situated in either New York itself, or other major city’s in America.

Cloverfield – The one about the giant monster you partially catch a glimpse of, terrorising New York

Picture unrelated

The Day After Tomorrow - The one about the day that was not actually after tomorrow but more like after the tomorrow after tomorrow which is after yesterday right before next week. Again, set in New York.

(Ok ok, there are others, perhaps I should do more research when I create Blog posts, I am just writing this of the top of my head.)

So lets have a look at the DVD covers for these films:

Coincidence?

Is it something to do with 9/11? Or am I just being one of those weird conspiracy guys that live in their Mothers basement adding videos to YouTube in candle light. Perhaps it is the whole scare tactics thing going on with the media, perhaps the media are producing all these films to keep the nation, or the American nation, in a state of fear.

The next big disaster movie coming out has got to be 2012, which looks like a laugh.

As is always the case with great works. Just as you have got over the emergence of a new “genius” , everything goes completely wrong and the genius turns overnight into the village idiot.

I was mesmerised when Sin City came out. What a film! What a fantastic new way of looking at cinema. At last something new amidst the Hollywood gloss and shame. But then what happens he goes and shoots himself in the head with the release of 300 and then tops it all off with the chronically bad “The Spirit”. What makes it all the worse is that we have 3 degrees of falling into the mire, there is Sin City ( Great film) then there is 300 ( a so nearly great film ) then The Spirit ( total mound of crud ).

It really is frustrating to see a genre ruined within the space of 3 films. I feel especially duped by 300 of which I came out of the Imax glowing with appreciation only for it to slowly evaporate over the next few days like a bad hangover. In some ways it was relief to wade through The Spirit as it confirmed how bad 300 was. Okay Okay I know what you are saying “ but 300 was a great film “ to which I would reply “ ….but I am NOT GAY !“.

‘I am not gay..I just enjoy drawing graphic pictures of partially dressed Spartans.’

The next logical step has to be to boycott Miller. Set up a Facebook account asking for Anti-Miller friends. Run riot in the next Imax showing of Millers next film….” Last of the bulging bicep Mohican’s”

On second thoughts a cold flannel and a light beer will do the trick.

I am not (or was not) a fan of Star Trek until I watched the new Star Trek. I was surprised at how good it is.

Basically its about this pissed off Romulan from the future called Nero (nothing to do with the software) possibly named after Nero Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus who is some Roman guy who doesn’t sound very nice:

‘During the Olympics, people competing against Nero would intentionally lose because if they beat him, he would have them killed.

During his public theatrical performances, Nero would bar the doors to prevent people leaving the theatre before his finale. People were said to have pretended to die to get out of his shows, and one woman gave birth during one of his recitals.’

The Star Trek Nero is involuntarily blasted through a black hole of which also ate his planet and his whole civilization which Spock promised to save but failed miserably. Spock also gets sucked into the black hole which sends both of them back in time.

Nero decides the only way to reek revenge was to fly about drilling massive holes into planets and dropping Red Matter into it (basically dividing by zero). Instead of killing Spock he makes the future Spock, who he dropped onto some desolate planet near his home planet, and the present Spock who is floating about in space on the USS Enterprise(?) watch their home planet turn inside out into nothing.

‘Ok who divided by zero?’

Hilarity obviously ensues after this planet is destroyed, we all find out that Vulcans can feel emotion. Spock is provoked by Kirk and Spock beats the crap out of him. Spocks Father then says, ‘Spock…’

Which reminded me of a meme I recently found called ‘Son…I am disapoint’, which would have fit so well in Star Trek, let me show you:

Simon Pegg is also in this film. He plays Scotty, and near the end of the film shouts ‘I’m giving it all she’s got Captain’ in a Scottish accent. Simon Pegg, being the funny guy he is, always seems to look out of place. It looks like he is just some random guy who accidentally walked onto the set of Star Trek.

‘Where is the pool?’

All in all Star Trek is a good film. What made me laugh was how to distinguish different races from humans. There were other aliens in the film with weird heads but they didn’t play a major acting role, all the aliens that did only had minor differences from humans, like slightly different shaped eyes or eyebrows.

Human                                                                     Alien

I watched Marley & Me the other day….well when I say watched, I mean, started to watch but then realized how much of a pile of shit this film actually is. IMDB says that the plot of the film is this: ‘A family learns important life lessons from their adorable, but naughty and neurotic dog.’
Now for one thing, those who get taught life lessons by a dog, desperately need to seek medical help. The only thing I can see to be learnt from a dog is as follows:
1: Don’t tie the dogs lead to a table, have they not seen Beethoven?
2: Get a cat instead

The films plot is very simple, here is my version of the plot: ‘A couple gets a dog, the couple gets dragged around by the dog’.
Apart from the formulaic Hollywood rubbish, we’ve got Owen Wilson and his wonky noise, and Jenifer Aniston and her hair. I hate Owen Wilson’s voice, it is so annoying, and he sounds the same in every film he has ever been in, and will ever make ever.

Now is it just me or has there been an outbreak of bad films lately? And for some odd reason, they all have the similar title graphics on the DVD and posters? For example look at these:

Ok fair enough, I haven’t seen any of those films, but do you notice something similar between the three? Its the RED TEXT, it must be like a warning, BEWARE, this film is bad! Much like animals use the colour red in the wild.

There are other films out there, be sure to look out for them, the most common ones are like ‘My Best Friend’s Girl’, one or two words are red, the rest is white/black.

Probably where it all started

Back to Marley & Me..well there isn’t much else to say about it except, don’t watch it. Oh and the dog is named after Bob Marley..

Smoking a joint on the toilet

I love films, there is lots of good films out there, but far too often a bad film sneaks its way through by hypnotizing people with the advertising, of which 90% of the budget is spent on. I can often tell when a film is going to be bad, or that I wont like it, by just watching the advert. The ones whose adverts contain all the good material of the whole film in a matter of 3 minutes, the other 90 minutes of actual film is normally crap. Or maybe you seen a really cool film, such as The Matrix, and you hear that there is a sequel out soon, oh and its your birthday on the same day, maybe you decide to go to the cinema to see it? Within 5 minutes of the film your dreams of an uber-cool Matrix sequel is flattened by Keanu Reeves stupid voice.

Anyway, here are some embarrassing moments in film, in no particular order:

Leon

Leon is about this hitman who has been a contract killer ever since he was a boy. And he meets a girl played by Natalie Portman who he falls in love with.

Although Leon is one of my favorite films, there is one little bit in it that really annoys me. The antagonist, played by Gary Oldman, is a corrupt police officer / drug dealer / family killer who hates Leon, possible because he is awesome and French. Gary Oldman, realizing one SWAT team isn’t going to get this bad ass Frenchman out, decides that he needs backup, and instead of saying, like any normal person would, ‘We need backup’, he simply says, and with no exaggeration here:

‘Bring me everyone’

‘What do you mean everyone?’

‘EVERYONE’

It could possible be that he is addicted to some sort of drug I am not aware off, or maybe he is just extremely pissed off.

Click Here to reap the full benefits through use of your ears..WARNING do not listen more than three times, you may go insane.

Good shit.

This is the epic moment when Gary Oldman takes his magical little pills from his magical tin he keeps with him.

Anyway, Leon, being as awesome as he is, manages to evade capture from 100′s of police storming his one bedroom flat. I recommend seeing this film simply because it is so good… and you can laugh at Gary Oldman.

300

Ah, 300, possible the most homosexual a film can get without actually being a gay porn movie. When I first saw this film I just thought.. wow, but soon the novelty wore off. I went to see it at the IMAX, you have to spell IMAX in all caps, all the time, because it is too awesome to be lower case. Anyway, I might have liked it because of the IMAX’s awesomeness, the curved screen, three double decker buses high. But when I watched it at home I couldn’t help but laugh, there is many things in this film to laugh at, mainly Leonidas’s constant urges to shout, is it just me or does this film portray all Spartans to be constantly cranky. On a side note, the film suggests that there is ONLY 300 Spartans, when in reality there was 300 Spartans, accompanied by 7000 other allies.

Slightly over the top don’t you think.

‘Marry me?’

Xerxes, played by a dude who looks nothing like he does in the actual film, is probably the only other character in the film who is just as gay as the Spartans. At one point in the film it even looks like he is giving Leonidas a shoulder massage.

Sin City

Sin City is right up there in my list of favorite films, but only a few films are just ‘perfect’. There is only one scene in this film that I don’t like, and I think the film would be better without it. Many people will think its a stupid thing to say, and that there is nothing wrong with the scene, but I disagree. Everything is wrong with the scene, at least, everything that Brittany Murphy does. I am not going to go into detail with the film plot because you have to see this film, it is a great piece of cinematography, and is, for lack of a better word, a ‘cool’ film.

Back to the fail-scene.

The deed is done when Clive Owen is hiding outside Brittany Murphy’s window, and he threatens to hurt the police man, played by Benicio Del Toro, who keeps harassing Brittany Murphy. He then jumps of the bloody building, and Brittany Murphy is left by the window, and she says:

‘Damnit, Dwight, damnit. You fool. You damn fool’
LAME.. I just find it corny, compared to the rest of the film, I think it just doesn’t fit in well.

‘Hi I cant act.’

Return of the Killer Tomatoes!

What a legend film, it is one of those films so bad, that you watch it anyway. The plot line is basically all in the title, easy to predict what is going to happen, but still a laugh to watch. It is a sequel to Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, and not many people know this, but an early George Clooney is in it. Not the cool, sophisticated gentlemen from Oceans 11, now he is battling alien tomatoes, obviously. I’m sure George looks back in shame at this film.

Nice hair

Its nearly as bad as Brad Pitts Pringles advert, George here, he is pictured left, because you probably cant recognise him because he isn’t wearing a suit, or isn’t in a casino.

Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion the Witch and he Wardrobe

Yet another disappointing film. I have read all the Narnia books and was really looking forward to this film, but then when I watched it, it made me want to puke up a cucumber sandwich and bomb a public school. They are all too posh! I enjoyed the books but that’s probably because it had my voice speaking for them, and not their annoying public school boy accents.

All four of them annoy the hell out of me. But the single most annoying bit of this film, which actually made me turn it off, is when Lucy, played by who the heck cares, pulls out her little letter opener knife and says.

Lucy: (draws knife) We have to help them.

I have wrote what it actually says in the script to give the full effect of this garbage. Someone needs to remind her that she is about 10 years old, and is carrying a letter opener, and is intending to defeat a whole army of various wild animals, not to mention a Witch who can turn people to stone. Like the famous song goes, Lucy in the sky with diamonds, I think Lucy is most definitely in the sky with many numerous floating diamonds.

Go be hallucinating in some other cupboard