In an obscure, and slightly hazed view of the headlines, this is basically what has happened. It is a lot like Iraq. America invaded Iraq because they thought that there was weapons of mass destruction there. Now America is invading the Moon because they think water is there. Are they going to be so wrong again?

Or perhaps America has ran out of interesting countries to throw bombs at, so they decided to take it out on the poor old Moon.

Also Obama has won a peace prize? Maybe he has won it because this is the longest amount of time a president has endured after being made president and not invaded another country.

Why would you bomb his cute little creamy face?

As the Pope lit the eternal flame of remembrance at Yad Vashem in memory of the 6 million Jews murdered a “Breaking News” headline appears across the Sky News screen…Jordan and Pete are to seperate!

“Nooooooooooooooo”

The suspicion is that it is all a publicity stunt. For god’s sake give us a break from this banality. There was Popey trying to sort out the centuries old Middle East problems in a couple of days of very slow talking with zee German accent when up pops Pete and that mad bitch. So the next day Pete is in Crete and Jordan is off to her own Indian island where she is photographed casually serving the kids breakfast in her swim suit for the Sunday papers. I have had enough of this fake crap.

The whole world seems to be getting more and more airbrushed out…so now you cant see anything that is real!

” A whole new world full of plastic crap”

Is it me or is the WHOLE WORLD over reacting a bit about this Swine Flu? First it was the Mad Cows Disease, then the Bird Flu, and then SARS somewhere in the middle, now Swine Flu, they are just making their way through a big long list of farm animals, Mad Farmers Disease? And when I say ‘they’ I mean scientists, news broadcasters, and any other person high up enough in society to brainwash people into thinking everything has gone to shit.

There was also a Swine Flu PANDEMIC in 1976…1 person died from the actual virus, and he was the first to contract the virus, he was a soldier. Now I wouldn’t class this as a pandemic. Of course the US Government was quick to give the public of America a vaccine, although one side effect of the vaccine was Guillain-Barre syndrome, which basically CTRL-ALT-DELETES your nervous system thousands of times in one second resulting in paralysis followed by death. 25 people died from the side effects of the vaccine, and they didn’t even have Swine Flu.

“The government had long feared mass panic about swine flu — now they feared mass panic about the swine flu vaccinations.” This became a strong setback to the program.

Taken from Wikipedia….can a government fail more then that? I don’t think so, unless they pull a pin out a hand grenade, hand it to the public and say its a vaccination.

‘Where are all the tourists?’

Now apart from Mexico being a really crap place to live, and a PANDEMIC ON THE LOOSE, who is going to visit Mexico ever again? Probably not many.. except Jewish people.

Oh Joy, the London Marathon has come round this year again, the only time when Captain Jack Sparrow and Spiderman, holding hands is normal. It is also the last year Flora is sponsoring it (who cares?). Well anyway me and my Mother went up to London to watch them, and hopefully catch a glimpse of my Father. It was the first time I had seen the Marathon live, in fact I think its the first time I was awake in time. I had to get up at silly hour to get to London in time…..On a Sunday.

I like running, but only short distances, like to the toilet, chasing rabbits, or even running away from a crazy homeless guy. But running for 26 point whatever miles is stupid. Then you get those people who say ‘oooh its for a good cause’.. My Father was raising money for Deaf Children..now no offense to the deaf children, being deaf must be horrible, but its not as if they are dying, like the kids in other charity’s. Now I sound really nasty, but if there was a rating on charity’s, Deaf Children wouldn’t rate very high.

I saw everything, rhino’s to Spiderman, and even the Queen…..But then, looming over the horizon, came this monstrosity:

*Jaws music*

Now running 26 miles in shorts and vest is one thing, but running in a 11 foot high …nurse?, that truly is mental. Maybe its a robot.

There was quite a lot of old guys there too, maybe they are going through their midlife-midlife crisis (in between your first midlife crisis and dying, usually around 80). Maybe they think they are merely 72 again and can run 26 miles and only be bed bound for a week, some of them looked in bad shape, gasping for air, one even stopped near us and, from what I was hearing, was asking for directions to a tube station (possible cheater).

HERE HE IS!

‘Hi I’m Les and I don’t know where I am.’

Another cool addition to Sunday’s series of mental events, was the Adidas website, which you could track a runners progress by typing in their number. Too good to be true?..yes, apparently my Father was going 34 miles per hour in the first stage:

Cheater..

Tomorrow I leave to visit some friends in Holland, so I wont be making any new posts for a while. So I decided to make a post dedicated to the Dutch!
First things first, are there any fat Dutch people? I am yet to see one, I go on holiday to the South of France every year and the campsite is mainly Dutch people, and hardly any of them are fat, and the ones that are fat just turn out to be German anyway. For an English person it is hard to distinguish a Dutch person from a German person because the language is very similar.
I have come up with a theory, which I think all Dutch people are hiding: they don’t let fat people go on holiday.

Another thing is the several laws of which are not illegal in Holland but are every other place on the planet. And because of this an old English joke was formed that the Dutch police never have anything to do. Mainly because no one is getting arrested for prostitution, or taking/dealing marijuana. And the marijuana leads onto another point, I bet there are hardly any murders in Holland simply because everyone is too ‘chilled out’, (I have no proof for this accusation, and I am not saying every Dutch person is high all the time). The only murders are probably committed by drunk and disorderly ‘giving a bad name for the English’ English people. So if the Police have nothing, or less to do than English Police, then they can splash out on expensive crime busting gear?

‘OK, now what?’

I found the Dutch Police department website also, I am not sure if it is for real:

http://www.police.nl/

That site is probably just a front, the entire Dutch Police force is pictured above..they only work weekends.

Michael Jackson is making a comeback! Millions of devoted (mad) fans will be camping outside the o2 arena soon to see Jackson perform. It has been a long time since he last performed, so I don’t know what to expect. It could be amazingly amazing, although, he could do some mad shit and scare everyone, and in a panic the 20,000 large crowd all run for one exit.

The 50 year old singer has been in and out the spot light for years, my theory is he is slowly turning into Kryten out of Red Dwarf.

In October 2008, Michael moved house…next to a school, as if he didn’t have enough attention, his new house was yards from a school for pupils ages 4 – 13, the parents complained, one said, “he can see them get onto the school bus from his home”.

Why so Wacko?

After a few days, Ive decided there is  more I can write about Jade Goody. (yes I hate her that much).

The tabloids have converted everyone to like her, just because she is dying. It sounds like the same principles of the ‘sympathy vote’ in Big Brother. Every day for the past week there has been new headlines about Jade, is there no news or something? before she announced she was dying, all the news talked about is  the recession, and before that, when there was no news, they just talked about Princess Diane, sure it was sad that she died, but to keep publishing news about her 10 years later annoys me so much.

When there is no news, repeat old news, that must be an unwritten rule in any news broadcasters studio.

ALSO Micheal Jackson sent condolences to Jade… just because his career is up the shitter, he thinks he can get some free publicity by getting on on the act.

Here’s various images to  express my views on this whole situation:

‘But I will tell over 60 million people, and the tabloids.’

Performing monkeys, not much different to the Freak Shows of 17th-18th century, same principles.

This, my friends, is who you love (pictured left).

Ok ok, this one is Photoshopped a little bit.

It really annoys me that someone like Jade Goody are rich and famous. She is only famous for being famous, she has no talent what so ever. I hated her in the Big Brother house, and I still hate her now. Soon she will be gone, and she has realised that she can still make some more money from TV companies. How low can you get, she claims she is doing it for her children, but her husband will get 50% of what she owns when she dies. How come un-famous cancer victims are not on the news and got their own TV mini-series? And as for the children, they are lucky that they will not be bought up by Jade Goody, and hopefully the father does not get custody, else, in 20 years time, I can see them entering the Big Brother house just like Jade did (and possibly piss of an Indian celebrity).

As for the whole Shilpa Shetty incident, it just showed how horrible Jade is inside (and on the outside infact). It just enforces the saying ‘what goes around, comes around’ (my Maths teacher used to allways say that, he was a Maths teacher by day, night club bouncer by night, which probably explains why I failed Maths).

‘Gunmen shoot Sri Lanka cricketers’ Has been the headline in most newspapers earlier this week. It made me wonder what it would have been like if those cricketers was English? This is PROBABLY what it would have looked like:

(note the locals not paying any attention, because they are used to the English behaving like this)

I am still a beginner with Photoshop (as you can tell) I found it hard in this one to make the imported images fit in with the background.